LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

[Top Londoner]

Well done Lefty. Cheers mate.







WENGER OUT

[OneBardGooner]

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Vanessa Feltz jumping on the bandwagon and breaking it.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Did you know you are supposed to pull anal beads out slowly? I didn't... I started the wife up like a fucking chainsaw.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

The police are looking for witnesses to a nearby hit and run last Friday night.

I didn't see anything when I went past but it wouldn't surprise me if it was the same cun.t who threw a tricycle under my car.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Blimey, the way things are going at the moment - the BBC won't have any footage left of the 60s, 70s or 80s.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

The head teacher from the school called me today.

"I've just caught your son having sex with Sarah Jones," he said, "I am totally disgusted."

"Me too," I replied, "Isn't she the fat ginger one?"

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Arjen Robben goes down easier than a thirsty tourist in Magaluf.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

One way or another I'm going to have to stop quoting Blondie lyrics.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Brazil's football is like Miley Cyrus. It used to be beautiful, but now it's just dirty.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Katie Price and Kerry Katona both have books coming out this month...

Which could plunge the U.K. into a huge crayon shortage.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

These new mortgage applications are a bit personal.

Q14. How do you intend to repay your mortgage at the end of the 30 year term?

a) ISA/Investment
b) Endowment
c) Remembering you gave Rolf Harris a blowjob on the M4

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

If FIFA carry on in this style: Russia 2018, Qatar 2022, Iran 2026, North Korea 2030, Hell 2034, Stoke 2038.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

"I don't really know my best position. Left, right or centre."

"Wayne, just get on the fucking plane and pick an aisle, will you?"

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Does anyone else find cucumber makes them burp a lot?


Or am I just shoving mine up too far?