Page 120 of 252
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2018 4:31 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
You'd never get planning permission to build a city on rock and roll.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2018 4:37 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Does anyone know how to fix a sat-nav?... ...Mine is broken, it keeps telling me Tottenham's in europe.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2018 4:43 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Just found out my uncle has left me a stately home in his will...I have no idea where Sod Hall is, I'm just off to Google it now!
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2018 4:50 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I'm just on holiday and got my girlfriend to smuggle some coke up her arse through customs. I didn't realise I could've just bought another can in the departure lounge.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2018 4:53 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
After sex, there's nothing worse than finding a broken condom on your cock. Especially when you didn't start with one.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2018 4:56 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common? I don't care if she has one.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:03 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I had five hundred Kit Kats in my fridge and my mate had one in his. I pressured him into giving his to a homeless person. That's basically how celebrity charity appeals work.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:07 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Imagine The Titanic with a lisp.
It's unthinkable.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:08 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Harvey Weinstein told me if i sucked his dick, i would become famous. ....said a bunch of famous women.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:14 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Accidently said hello to a feminist the other day. My trial starts on Monday.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:15 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
g88ner wrote: ↑Sun Mar 04, 2018 11:17 pm
come on lefty, we could all do with a laugh mate!
Some on there now gooner, can't promise they're funny

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:19 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Scientists in China have successfully cloned two macaque monkeys.
It's quite impossible to tell them apart , said one of the monkeys
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:21 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Told the girlfriend that Mum is deaf so speak loud and slow.
Told Mum that the girlfriend is retarded.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:22 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?" He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now." I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense." He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:24 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Last night a gunman burst into the Celebrity Big Brother house and killed everyone.
Victims are yet to be identified.