The Gooner Forum

You'd never get planning permission to build a city on rock and roll.

Does anyone know how to fix a sat-nav?... ...Mine is broken, it keeps telling me Tottenham's in europe.

Just found out my uncle has left me a stately home in his will...I have no idea where Sod Hall is, I'm just off to Google it now!

I'm just on holiday and got my girlfriend to smuggle some coke up her arse through customs. I didn't realise I could've just bought another can in the departure lounge.

After sex, there's nothing worse than finding a broken condom on your cock. Especially when you didn't start with one.

What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common? I don't care if she has one.

I had five hundred Kit Kats in my fridge and my mate had one in his. I pressured him into giving his to a homeless person. That's basically how celebrity charity appeals work.

Imagine The Titanic with a lisp.

It's unthinkable.

Harvey Weinstein told me if i sucked his dick, i would become famous. ....said a bunch of famous women.

Accidently said hello to a feminist the other day. My trial starts on Monday.

g88ner wrote: ↑

Sun Mar 04, 2018 11:17 pm

come on lefty, we could all do with a laugh mate!

Some on there now gooner, can't promise they're funny

Scientists in China have successfully cloned two macaque monkeys.

It's quite impossible to tell them apart , said one of the monkeys

Told the girlfriend that Mum is deaf so speak loud and slow.

Told Mum that the girlfriend is retarded.

During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?" He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now." I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense." He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

Last night a gunman burst into the Celebrity Big Brother house and killed everyone.

Victims are yet to be identified.