LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

[OneBardGooner]

Sorry guys but I don't know / have any (original) jokes etc... But saw this with Dave Allen...Wait for the end


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXK1at-udX8

[DB10GOONER]

As I started to unload my seriously full trolley at the till, I noticed a little old lady behind me holding only a pint of milk....

"Is that all you've got?" I asked. "Yes" she smiled.

"Well" I replied, "You'd better find another till, I'm going to be fucking ages!"

[OneBardGooner]

As I started to unload my seriously full trolley at the till, I noticed a little old lady behind me holding only a pint of milk....

"Is that all you've got?" I asked. "Yes" she smiled.

"Well" I replied, "You'd better find another till, I'm going to be fucking ages!"

[DB10GOONER]

As I started to unload my seriously full trolley at the till, I noticed a little old lady behind me holding only a pint of milk....

"Is that all you've got?" I asked. "Yes" she smiled.

"Well" I replied, "You'd better find another till, I'm going to be fucking ages!"

Has Rooney been at her?

[OneBardGooner]

As I started to unload my seriously full trolley at the till, I noticed a little old lady behind me holding only a pint of milk....

"Is that all you've got?" I asked. "Yes" she smiled.

"Well" I replied, "You'd better find another till, I'm going to be fucking ages!"

Has Rooney been at her?

Don't think so she still has her False Teeth in!

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

DIY tip of the week:

A woman is on all fours with sperm dripping from her arse and both corners of her mouth. what does this tell you?

Your floor's level !!

[OneBardGooner]

DIY tip of the week:

A woman is on all fours with sperm dripping from her arse and both corners of her mouth. what does this tell you?

Your floor's level !!

Brilliant! Lefty! You da Man!

[DB10GOONER]

DIY tip of the week:

A woman is on all fours with sperm dripping from her arse and both corners of her mouth. what does this tell you?

Your floor's level !!

[OneBardGooner]

Dear Old Spike:

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/y75CY9NKzB8

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

Women always claim to want security in a relationship.

But the moment I lock them in my cellar.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

If anyone wants a list of my favourite Bugs Bunny quotes, I'll send them to you in a WhatsApp doc.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I can't believe they fired me from the clock factory after all the extra hours I put in.

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I can't understand how funeral directors have raised the price of funerals and blaming it on the cost of living!

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I used to go out with a girl who punched me in the face when she orgasmed.

Sometimes she would orgasm three or four times a night.

I didn't mind too much until I found out she was faking them

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

My wife accused me of achieving nothing so I told her, 'Well I won the Leslie Nielson award at school.'
'What's that?', she said.

'It's a big building with kids in it.'