Grumpy Git - things that "literally" get on my tit

[OneBardGooner]

Snowflake whiney arseholes. Just read this fucking headline and tell me the world should not be destroyed.

Woman kicked off flight over emotional support squirrel speaks out: 'You will not take my baby from me'

http://flip.it/hmZX5r

Best piss funny quote:
'Either you walk off the plane or I'm going to arrest you for trespassing, and we will take that squirrel,'" Torok said. "I said, 'You're not taking my squirrel. Sorry, you're not. I refuse."

Now, to be honest, she is an old bag so I'm just fucking praying that "squirrel" is not her pet name for her coochy!

That all sounds a bit fishy to me mate!

[DB10GOONER]

The fat entitled 20-something bitch that jumped the tram queue to tag off this evening. I waved her ahead being a gentleman and all that good shit.

Not a word of thanks and she just looked at me with the most petulant entitled expression on her face. I couldn't help it I just blurted out "Don't fucking mention it you fat fuck".

Have you ever seen a fat bird try to run? It ain't pleasant viewing but anyway away she scuttled, legs chafing off each other, the fat ignorant bitch.

Manners motherfuckers. They matter.

[goonersid]

The fat entitled 20-something bitch that jumped the tram queue to tag off this evening. I waved her ahead being a gentleman and all that good shit.

Not a word of thanks and she just looked at me with the most petulant entitled expression on her face. I couldn't help it I just blurted out "Don't fucking mention it you fat fuck".

Have you ever seen a fat bird try to run? It ain't pleasant viewing but anyway away she scuttled, legs chafing off each other, the fat ignorant bitch.

Manners motherfuckers. They matter.

Fat bitches need to justify and feel better about themselves! I dont accomodate them db!! but I do let them go first in queues for food!!

[DB10GOONER]

The fat entitled 20-something bitch that jumped the tram queue to tag off this evening. I waved her ahead being a gentleman and all that good shit.

Not a word of thanks and she just looked at me with the most petulant entitled expression on her face. I couldn't help it I just blurted out "Don't fucking mention it you fat fuck".

Have you ever seen a fat bird try to run? It ain't pleasant viewing but anyway away she scuttled, legs chafing off each other, the fat ignorant bitch.

Manners motherfuckers. They matter.

Fat bitches need to justify and feel better about themselves! I dont accomodate them db!! but I do let them go first in queues for food!!

Hell yeah. You let the bear eat first or you get eaten by the bear.

[Bradywasking]

The fat entitled 20-something bitch that jumped the tram queue to tag off this evening. I waved her ahead being a gentleman and all that good shit.

Not a word of thanks and she just looked at me with the most petulant entitled expression on her face. I couldn't help it I just blurted out "Don't fucking mention it you fat fuck".

Have you ever seen a fat bird try to run? It ain't pleasant viewing but anyway away she scuttled, legs chafing off each other, the fat ignorant bitch.

Manners motherfuckers. They matter.

Held a door open for two yummy mummys with their offspring in buggies recently. Neither said thanks or even looked at me as they continued their conversation about upgrading or how academically bright their two year olds are. I repeated a phrase I heard many years ago to them "In Dublin we say Thanks " ..Lost on the latte swigging bitches.....

[DB10GOONER]

The fat entitled 20-something bitch that jumped the tram queue to tag off this evening. I waved her ahead being a gentleman and all that good shit.

Not a word of thanks and she just looked at me with the most petulant entitled expression on her face. I couldn't help it I just blurted out "Don't fucking mention it you fat fuck".

Have you ever seen a fat bird try to run? It ain't pleasant viewing but anyway away she scuttled, legs chafing off each other, the fat ignorant bitch.

Manners motherfuckers. They matter.

Held a door open for two yummy mummys with their offspring in buggies recently. Neither said thanks or even looked at me as they continued their conversation about upgrading or how academically bright their two year olds are. I repeated a phrase I heard many years ago to them "In Dublin we say Thanks " ..Lost on the latte swigging bitches.....

One of my favourite phrases Brady. I use it on culchies, tourists, Fat birds, millenials, shop assistants - you name it.

[AkneyGooner]

it's up there with when you get off the train to let others out, and the motherfuckers on the platform try to barge past you to get on before the person you moved for can leave the train.

[DB10GOONER]

Oh Lordy. Oh dear dear lord.

I'm fucking dying on this train home.

Sat down beside this huge fat old guy that was taking up a seat and a half. I pulled down the arm rest between us to try force the fat fuck back into his own seat. He made a weird noise and jammed the arm rest back up quite aggressively I thought.

So I said "how much space do you need you fat fuck" and rammed the arm rest back down.

He didn't say anything.

I say "you hear me you fat fuck?"

People are looking.

He says nothing.

Then oh dear God he gets his phone out and video calls his missus.

And they are now only communicating in sign language.

At least now I know what the sign language is for "can you see this ignorant cùnt sitting beside me...."

[goonersid]

Christmas toilet roll!
Wiping your arse on Santa’s face?

[StuartL]

Christmas toilet roll!
Wiping your arse on Santa’s face?

It’s got to be better than wiping your face on santa’s Arse ?

[DB10GOONER]

Christmas toilet roll!
Wiping your arse on Santa’s face?

It’s got to be better than wiping your face on santa’s Arse ?

I use Klopp toilet paper. The advert blurb was I believe "wipe your plop with Klopp".





The crunt is going to market his own toilet paper now isn't he....

[StuartL]

Christmas toilet roll!
Wiping your arse on Santa’s face?

It’s got to be better than wiping your face on santa’s Arse ?

I use Klopp toilet paper. The advert blurb was I believe "wipe your plop with Klopp".





The crunt is going to market his own toilet paper now isn't he....

I’d buy it !

[goonersid]

Craft beers! They all tast the same, how could anyone drink 13 pints of that shite?

[DB10GOONER]

The fucking poxbottle junkie couple on the tram to the train station yesterday.

Pair of fucking zombies were travelling from GP to GP across the city picking up their supplies of Valium and Xanex. The female sorted through about 8 or 9 GP cards at one point.

Obviously off their tits and taking up space on a packed tram full of tax paying people with jobs the pair of cùnts (we'll call her Furburger Face and him Cuntball) started talking about how many GP surgeries they still had to go to....

And then Furburger Face says to Cuntball "do ya want another valium love? Or a Xanex?"

Cuntball responds with "uh how many valiums have I had?"

Furburger Face replies "three or four I think".

Cuntball says "uh gimme a Xanex then".

Furburger Face pulls out five or six pill bottles and pops a Xanex into Cuntball's mouth.

And the best bit? My taxes pay for their fucked up scummy sponging lifestyle. The urge to throat punch both of them was incredible, almost overwhelming. But then fuck knows what you might catch. I couldn't help but just stand there hoping they both overdose and fucking die. Fucking vermin.

[OneBardGooner]

I haven't been on this thread for a while...

Ohhhh! How I laughed ...

The thing is most of the points raised on here actually ring true with me

ie:

"The fat entitled 20-something bitch that jumped the tram queue to tag off this evening. I waved her ahead being a gentleman and all that good shit.

Not a word of thanks and she just looked at me with the most petulant entitled expression on her face. I couldn't help it I just blurted out "Don't fucking mention it you fat fuck".

Have you ever seen a fat bird try to run? It ain't pleasant viewing but anyway away she scuttled, legs chafing off each other, "


Fucking right ... During the pre-Christmas shopping period - My brother had just passed away, but there were those outside the family that I still wanted to get gifts for, anyhoooo not being in a very accommodating mood, this FAT *word censored* of a Woman comes barrelling (literally) towards me, now she is at least 4 feet wide at the hips, then her flubbering arms by her sides AND both her hands full of shopping bags, the large kind - from Primark and Direct Sports type full to overflowing - Yes obviously a woman with no taste and a cheapo fuckk at that, as I step through the shopping mall door, she literally bounces past like a female fatcunt version of Jo Alomu but Bigger - She has the audacity to TUT! as she knocks an elderly woman and myself aside; I was already trying to avoid her on account of not wanting to get swamped in her sweaty flesh bags.....so I say VERY Loudly "why that's okay I'll just pick this poor woman and her bags off the floor" - She turns and get this says " Look I'm in a hurry just go around me"

If I'd had a gun she would be dead.

So I reply "(SHOUTING so everyone within 3 miles can hear it )


Go around YOU! You must be joking I'd need a Motorbike with a Full Tank of Petrol and then MAYBE!!!... You FAT CUNTT!"

btw the klopp Plop paper is Brilliant!