If Premiership Teams Were Women (jokes)

All_Arsenal_1886 · Post by **All_Arsenal_1886** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 1:03 pm

Aston Villa - Dido
One big hit. Fairly inoffensive reallyBirmingham City - Mariah Carey
Occasionally interesting, frequently annoying. Supporters are thick
Blackburn Rovers - Melanie Sykes
Common as muck Lancy, constantly worrying.
Bolton Wanderers - Natalie Imbruglia
Always looks like she might go down but never does
Chelsea - Rachel Stevens
Every bit looks good from all angles. But what is she doing with that prick
Everton - Barbara Windsor
Been laughing at those t*ts so long we forget that once upon a time they actually looked quite good
Fulham - Andrea Corr
Not bad to look at but not much of her. Seems a bit awestruck with fame
Liverpool - Sophie Ellis Bextor
Individually all the components look fantastic - just doesn't work
when put together.
Man United - Jordan
Dominated by t*ts. Screwed by Dwight Yorke. Quite repulsive
really
Middlesborough - Tara Palmer Tompkinson
Can look quite good at the back - but nothing at all up front to
speak of.
Newcastle United - Christina Aguillera
Can look good. Various unsavoury elements though.
Portsmouth - Chrissie Hynde
On the face of it a has-been but you're quite interested in what she's
going to do next

My Favorite one is

Tottenham - Joan Collins
Used to look good, but living on past glories.

and

Arsenal - Angelina Jolie
Looks good, a bit maverick at times and you know they have the
potential to really screw you over

sorry guys got a bit bored

anyone got better ideas

Eboue Can't Defend · Post by **Eboue Can't Defend** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 2:14 pm

All_Arsenal_1886 wrote:..Newcastle United - Christina Aguillera
Can look good. Various unsavoury elements though....

You forgot to say she/Newcastle is prone to let a few in through the back door!!

augie · Post by **augie** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 2:39 pm

I would have compared chelski to paris hilton - loads of cash but no class plus rachel stevens is a gooner and wouldn't appreciate being associated with those scumbags

U.F.G Anfield '89 · Post by **U.F.G Anfield '89** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 2:41 pm

augie wrote:I would have compared chelski to paris hilton - loads of cash but no class plus rachel stevens is a gooner and wouldn't appreciate being associated with those scumbags

don't forget that there a lot of cocks at chelsea

All_Arsenal_1886 · Post by **All_Arsenal_1886** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 2:45 pm

Anybody got any great spurs jokes i need a good laugh, any teams will do actully

U.F.G Anfield '89 · Post by **U.F.G Anfield '89** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 2:52 pm

used this one on another thread but i like it anyway.

bloke walks up to a spurs fan farmer with a midget chicken.
bloke says my god you have a tiny cock.
spud farmer says it's a hen actually.
bloke says i know, i saw you fucking it!

All_Arsenal_1886 · Post by **All_Arsenal_1886** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 2:55 pm

U.F.G Anfield '89 wrote:used this one on another thread but i like it anyway.

bloke walks up to a spurs fan farmer with a midget chicken.
bloke says my god you have a tiny cock.
spud farmer says it's a hen actually.
bloke says i know, i saw you fucking it!

love it

Three old football fans are in a church, praying for their teams. The first one asks, "Oh Lord, when will England next win the World Cup?". God Replies, "In the next five years"
"But I'll be dead by then", says the man.
The second one asks, "Oh Lord, when will Man Utd next win the European Cup?".
I'll The Good Lord answers, "In the next ten years".
"But I'll be dead by then", says the man.
The third one asks, "Oh Lord, when will Tottenham win the Premier League?". God Answers, "I will be dead by then!"

hope you like it

U.F.G Anfield '89 · Post by **U.F.G Anfield '89** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 2:57 pm

I knew nietsche was a mug, if that joke's right then according to him spurs can win the premier league.

All_Arsenal_1886 · Post by **All_Arsenal_1886** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 2:58 pm

Tony Adams, Dennis Bergkamp and George Graham are standing before God whose sitting on his throne at the pearly gates of Heaven. God looks down at them, and says, "Before granting you a place in heaven, I must first ask you what you believe in."

Addressing Dennis first, he asks "What do you believe, my son?" Dennis looks God in the eye, and states passionately,"I believe football to be the food of life. Nothing else brings such unbridled joy to so many people, from the slums of Old Trafford, to the mansions of Highbury. I have devoted my life to bring such joy to those people who stand on the terraces at Highbury..." God wipes a tear from his eye with his Arsenal shirt, looks up, and offers Dennis a place in heaven, which he gracefully accepts. He then turns to George Graham, "And you, Mr Graham, what do you believe?" George replies "I believe Ian Walker should be recalled to the England side, as he's ace" God, turns to George and sends him straight to hell as he has committed the immortal sin of talking bollocks.

Finally, leaving the best until last, he turns to Tony Adams. "And you, Sir Adams, what do you believe" "I believe...", says TA, "you're in my seat..."

Tony Adams is God (They don't make them like they used to)

Post by **REB** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 3:06 pm

wat do u call a pregant spurs fan''''''''' a dope carrier

Post by **T.S** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 3:19 pm

At a recent charity fund raiser, Sky Sports managed to get an exclusive interview with Martin Jol and Arsene Wenger at the same time.

Geoff Shreeves started by asking Martin Jol what his aims were for the coming season with Tottenham to which he replied, â€œWell Geoff, Iâ€™d first like to see us cement our place in the Premiership. 42 points should do it. After that, I think a draw or two against Arsenal and a sustained push for an Intertoto Cup place would constitute a pretty good season.â€

Eboue Can't Defend · Post by **Eboue Can't Defend** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 3:22 pm

A variation on an old theme. I like it!!

Post by **Belfast Boy** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 3:24 pm

Le Boss is out doin his shoppin at the supermarket on Holloway Rd. when he bumps into Martin Jol, always one to be polite, the great man sez, oh hello Martin what are you doin over here, MJ sez, ah I'm just out to get a bag of new potatoes for the lads, Arsene replies - sounds like a fair swap to me

U.F.G Anfield '89 · Post by **U.F.G Anfield '89** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 3:39 pm

ah, the old ones are the best.

Post by **T.S** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 3:40 pm

And one of my old favourites...

Three brothers were opening their Christmas presents and were eagerly anticipating their last parcel each. The youngest brother opens his and is delighted as he finds it's a Batman costume. The middle brother opens his and is dead chuffed as he gets a Spiderman mask and accessories. The oldest brother finally opens his and finds the deeds and ownership details for Chelsea Football Club. "Great!â€

If Premiership Teams Were Women (jokes)

If Premiership Teams Were Women (jokes)

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