The most over-used phrases in football

SteveO 35 · Post by **SteveO 35** » Fri Jun 12, 2009 7:21 pm

Reading on through the "Who can replace Ronaldo?" article which caused me to wet myself with laughter (see separate thread), I read the piece on Aaron Lennon and came across another lazy piece of sports writing, tripping out the same bullshit phrase about Harry Redknapp

"With Spurs boss Harry Redknapp reportedly keen to conduct a huge clearout at Tottenham, the ol' wheeler-dealer might be willing to accept a big-money offer in order to fund his rebuilding job at White Hart Lane. "

Oh please fuck off with this phrase - the poor old "wheeler dealer" East End boy without two ha'pennies to rub together. Is this the same twat who spent Â£30m on Defoe and Palacios, nearly bankrupt Portsmouth where he spent Â£9m on Crouch, Â£15m on Defoe, and spent fortunes at West Ham on Hartson, Kitson etc. HE AIN'T A FUCKING WHEELER DEALER, HE IS A TWITCHY TWAT WHO SPENDS FORTUNES ON AVERAGE PLAYERS AND WINS THE ODD TINPOT CUP !

Other over-used, untrue phrases with their real world translation underneath

"Great touch for a big man" - Peter Crouch
No he's a gangly twat who scores regularly against the likes of Jamaica and Andorra

"First yard is in his head" - Teddy Wanker
Err, no he's just slow

"He may not have the best goalscoring record but he's so appreciated by his colleagues" - Emile Heskey
Yes they love him when he leaves to join another middle rank English club

"A great motivator" - Martin O'Neill
He acts like an animated tosser on the sidelines all game

And for the 30 something + brigade out there

"Sweet left foot" - Kevin Sheedy
Can't stand on his right

"Fiery little Scot" - Gordon Strachan
Evil, sneeky, dirty little jock bastard

greatgooner · Post by **greatgooner** » Fri Jun 12, 2009 7:34 pm

You missed out:
JUMPERS FOR GOALPOSTS

Red107 · Post by **Red107** » Fri Jun 12, 2009 7:41 pm

"We showed excelllent spirit" - After another 0-0 draw.

Or any reference to John Terry or Frank Lampard as JT and Lamps.

Post by **flash gunner** » Fri Jun 12, 2009 7:45 pm

The one that gets me is "youre more vunerable after youve just scored" Thats bollocks if you look at goal times you rarely ever see goals a minute or two apart

I hate JT and Lamps too

Perryashburtongroves · Fri Jun 12, 2009 7:57 pm

'The rain's going to quicken this pitch up.'- No, it slows it down

'That's something he's learnt from the foreigners.' - when any Ingerland player dives.

'There's probably minimal contact there' - for the exact same thing when they can't bring themselves to say that one of their Ingerland luvvies has taken a dive.

'It's every footballer's dream to play at Wembley.' -No it isn't.

'This hot weather's going to suit those Africans/ Asians/ Spanish/ Italians/ South Americans because they're more used to it than us'- At every single bloody World Cup since time began.

'Buying an experienced player will kill the younger ones'- Some mad bloke in North London.

Post by **SPUDMASHER** » Fri Jun 12, 2009 8:06 pm

He could "Do a Job"

SteveO 35 · Post by **SteveO 35** » Fri Jun 12, 2009 8:07 pm

"They are passionate about their football in the North East / Merseyside" (whilst the rest of us just having a fucking passing interest of course)

"Great student of the game" (Eriksson / Wenger / various others - no they are just old, wear glasses and look like mad professors)

"Great squad man / utility player / very versatile" (basically fucking shit in every position but just happy to be at the club in question)

"Great at arriving late in the box" - Paul Scholes / Tim Cahill (if they were that fucking late surely they wouldn't get on the end of the ball?)

"Loves playing on the shoulder of the last defender" - Greedybayor (no, he's just a thick twat who always gets caught offside)

franksav63 · Post by **franksav63** » Fri Jun 12, 2009 8:20 pm

When a player has been out with an injury for a long time and they're ready to come back:-

''He'll be like a new signing'' (Rosicky?)

SteveO 35 · Post by **SteveO 35** » Fri Jun 12, 2009 8:24 pm

"No easy games in world football" (as England prepare to play a nation of 73,000 people)

"The cup is a great leveller" (oh really, we can expect to see Harlow Town vs Eastbourne Borough in the final soon then can we ?)

"You can never predict the outcome of a derby" (oh yes I can - Spurs will not beat us this Millenium !)

Martin Hayes · Post by **Martin Hayes** » Fri Jun 12, 2009 8:28 pm

"It's a big ask..."

Actually, it isn't, as ask is a verb. 'Request', 'Target', 'Endeavour' perhaps...

SteveO 35 · Post by **SteveO 35** » Fri Jun 12, 2009 8:34 pm

"They've got a great work ethic"

They are a bunch of dirty, Northern bastards who kick everything that moves

mcdowell42 · Post by **mcdowell42** » Fri Jun 12, 2009 8:43 pm

Softer and easier to spread

What they really mean its not softer and easier to spread.

franksav63 · Post by **franksav63** » Fri Jun 12, 2009 8:46 pm

mcdowell42 wrote:Softer and easier to spread

What they really mean its not softer and easier to spread.

MutleyGooner · Post by **MutleyGooner** » Fri Jun 12, 2009 10:57 pm

I promise I wont cum in your mouth

Safe sex is anal sex honest

No that really is tweleve inches

I own a record label and your voice would sound so much better without knickers, why don't we take them off and see

Don't be afraid, he's just been friendly, once he's shagged your leg he'll go back to chewing his bone, wont you boy

If you struggle the rope will just get tighter, relax

Go on, down it in one, what you think it's Rhypnol and I'm gonna take advantage, as if I would

Three hamsters is good, four and I'm filming it

Go on, shit on the glass coffee table, no ones looking, I promise

Go on, your sister would and your Mum has

franksav63 · Post by **franksav63** » Sat Jun 13, 2009 5:55 am

MutleyGooner wrote:I promise I wont cum in your mouth

Safe sex is anal sex honest

No that really is tweleve inches

I own a record label and your voice would sound so much better without knickers, why don't we take them off and see

Don't be afraid, he's just been friendly, once he's shagged your leg he'll go back to chewing his bone, wont you boy

If you struggle the rope will just get tighter, relax

Go on, down it in one, what you think it's Rhypnol and I'm gonna take advantage, as if I would

Three hamsters is good, four and I'm filming it

Go on, shit on the glass coffee table, no ones looking, I promise

Go on, your sister would and your Mum has