Official Friday (thank Christ!) Joke Thread...

[DB10GOONER]

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers,

"Hello." "Mrs. Sanders, please."

"Speaking."

"Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory.

When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the
other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which."

"That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs.Sanders.

"Normally we can, but the NHS will only pay for these expensive tests once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The NHS Helpdesk recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

[Percy Dalton]

That's older than you!

[DB10GOONER]

That's older than you!

Fucking couldn't be!

[REB]

was walking down the street the other day and I saw these two blind blokes squaring up to fight. I shouted "My money's on the one with the knife."

You should have seen how fast they both ran off.

[DB10GOONER]

was walking down the street the other day and I saw these two blind blokes squaring up to fight. I shouted "My money's on the one with the knife."

You should have seen how fast they both ran off.

And I thought my "joke" was shit...? Thanks Reb, mate!

[REB]

ur joke was shit and reallllllllllllly ollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllld

[DB10GOONER]

ur joke was shit and reallllllllllllly ollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllld

Sometimes the old ones are... nah, it was just shit.

[denhaaggooner]

A muslim man was shot in the head in Belfast with a starting pistol, the police believe it was definately race related

[DB10GOONER]

A muslim man was shot in the head in Belfast with a starting pistol, the police believe it was definately race related

Homophobe.

[REB]

BBC News today:

A 4-year-old boy has memorised virtually every bus service in the capital.

Ishaal Yewale can tell you which bus route to take, day or night.

His father, Jayant, says that Ishaal's always been fascinated with public transport and has been reading bus maps for the past eight months.

Is anyone suspicious of this or am I just paranoid?

[DB10GOONER]

BBC News today:

A 4-year-old boy has memorised virtually every bus service in the capital.

Ishaal Yewale can tell you which bus route to take, day or night.

His father, Jayant, says that Ishaal's always been fascinated with public transport and has been reading bus maps for the past eight months.

Is anyone suspicious of this or am I just paranoid?

Proper borderline racist that one.

You sexist.

[denhaaggooner]

A jewish boy has been born with no eyelids. The doctors say they can operate using the foreskin from his circucision, but he runs the risk of being cock-eyed

[OneBardGooner]

A jewish boy has been born with no eyelids. The doctors say they can operate using the foreskin from his circucision, but he runs the risk of being cock-eyed

And suffering from Stiff Upper Eyebrow

[brazilianGOONER]

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers,

"Hello." "Mrs. Sanders, please."

"Speaking."

"Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory.

When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the
other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which."

"That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs.Sanders.

"Normally we can, but the NHS will only pay for these expensive tests once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The NHS Helpdesk recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

very good... i had never heard it...

[DB10GOONER]

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers,

"Hello." "Mrs. Sanders, please."

"Speaking."

"Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory.

When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the
other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which."

"That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs.Sanders.

"Normally we can, but the NHS will only pay for these expensive tests once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The NHS Helpdesk recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

very good... i had never heard it...

Ah, one gentleman amongst fuckwits! Thank you, BG!