JOKE OF THE WEEK (NON-FOOTBALL!)

As we're unlikely to see terraces again at football, this is the virtual equivalent where you can chat to your hearts content about all football matters and, obviously, Arsenal in particular. This forum encourages all Gooners to visit and contribute so please keep it respectful, clean and topical.
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I Hate Hleb
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JOKE OF THE WEEK (NON-FOOTBALL!)

Post by I Hate Hleb »

HERE IS A FUNNY JOKE SOMEONE SENT ME THIS MORNING (ALTHOUGH IT MAY BE AN OLD ONE).

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day,
he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.

The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It
is shiny and in absolute mint condition.

He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great
condition for 10 years.

"Well, it's quit e simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is
outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it
from the rain."

And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline That night, his girlfriend, Sandra,
invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.

But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I have
to tell you something about my family before we go in."

"When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who Says
anything during dinner has to do the dishes."

"No problem," he says. And in they go.

Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a Huge
stack of dirty dishes.

In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in
the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.

They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.

So he leans over and kisses Sandra.

No one says a word.

So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.

Still, nobody says a word.

So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table,
and screws her right there, in front of her parents.

His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her
mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body," he thinks. So he grabs the
mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which
way right there on the dinner table.

Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, Total
silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.

Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.

Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All right,
that's enough, I'll do the f****in' dishes!"

:oops: :lol: :wink:

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gunners-need-steel
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Post by gunners-need-steel »

classic ... :D :D :D :P :P :P

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REB
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Post by REB »

you just made me laugh in front of a customer,, she thinks im doin paper work :oops: funny funny joke IHH :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Galasso
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Post by Galasso »

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Like your weed - top quality!

Wayno
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Post by Wayno »

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

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RaM
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Location: Sydney

Post by RaM »

Excellent, haven't heard a good joke like that for a long time, and needless to say I will be spreading it around!

daz10_uk

Post by daz10_uk »

Nice one very funny :D :D

Hagbard 23
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Post by Hagbard 23 »

Rubbish.

I like it when you stick to your serious post Hlebby.

They're much more funny..... :wink:

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Galasso
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Post by Galasso »

rebel gooner wrote:you just made me laugh in front of a customer,, she thinks im doin paper work :oops: funny funny joke IHH :lol: :lol: :lol:
Rebel's avatar is exactly how he looks when he's laughing out loud. :oops:

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U.F.G Anfield '89
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Post by U.F.G Anfield '89 »

careful lads, i'm getting sorely tempted to inflict my chuck norris jokes on you all. p.s. kudos IHH i laghed out loud and immediately went and told the joke to my housemate.

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All_Arsenal_1886
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Post by All_Arsenal_1886 »

:lol: Very good IHH i laughed out loud

Ben-gooner14
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Post by Ben-gooner14 »

Haha, like it IHH keep up the good work

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Gooners444
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Post by Gooners444 »

Ha Ha Good one :D :D

daz10_uk

Post by daz10_uk »

I know there is loads of jokes going about about Mourinho but have you heard this one?

When asked if Mourinho would manage Sp*rs and take them to the top when Jol gets the sack he replied............. "Im not that fucking special"

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Mrs Gus (Doris)
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Post by Mrs Gus (Doris) »

I thought this one was funny and could be substituted with Spuds, Mancs,Chelski etc..the list is endless!!! :lol:


An Arsenal fan, a Scouser and a Chinese man are in the hospital maternity ward. The docters goes out to the fathers and he tells them that there has been a mix up with the babies.

He says, "each of you go in and choose a baby that you think is yours, then come out and then we will review the situation."

The Arsenal fan goes in first and comes out with a baby. The docter immediately spots a fault.

He approaches the Arsenal fan and says, "come on lad, you know thats the chinese baby" to which the Gooner replies "I know, but there is a Scouse baby in there and I ain't taking no chances!"

:shock: :lol: :shock: :lol:

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