The online gooners first fully anonymous confession thread

safcftm · Post by **safcftm** » Wed Oct 05, 2011 5:56 pm

This belongs in the basement, I admit, but anyway, I'll leave that to the mods to sort out in due course

Following a similar idea on a sunderland forum, I have decided that it is best not to keep things bottled up. We've all done bad things, depraved things, things we aren't proud of and, well, I think its time we confessed. However, I dont think we should confess here for all to see. Oh no. Instead, I think you should email me (from a newly made up anonymous email account should you wish although no names will be posted anyway) to the new confession email account [email protected]

Tell us whatever you wouldnt feel comfortable saying even under the relative anonymity of a forum username. I will take the emails I get to this address and I shall post them here with no personal details so no one will ever know your darkest secrets. Tell me your sins gooners and be cleansed, however bad they are. A problem shared is, well, a problem shared.

This might be quite fun. Or it might be utter shit. Either way, I'll post the emails I receive and you can be the judges. I am here, my children, confess your sins

Henry Norris 1913 · Post by **Henry Norris 1913** » Wed Oct 05, 2011 6:06 pm

I hate sunderland and think their fans are right *word censored*.

did I do it right?

EDIT- Ooopss

safcftm · Post by **safcftm** » Wed Oct 05, 2011 6:08 pm

Henry Norris 1913 wrote:I hate sunderland and think their fans are right c**ts.

did I do it right?

nope but I fully expect emails of this ilk

I am also, however, expecting a few amusing anecdotes that may or may not be true- some will probably be vaguely disturbing like, but whether you think sunderland is full of *word censored* or whether you secretly film yourself licking dogshit off a pavement, get the emails going! I'm off out for now like, but I'll be checking the inbox later on tonight and then for the next week or so.

Henry Norris 1913 · Post by **Henry Norris 1913** » Wed Oct 05, 2011 6:14 pm

don't worry mate it was just a lie

the real stuff is much worse

storrmin571 · Post by **storrmin571** » Wed Oct 05, 2011 8:16 pm

This one time at band camp............................

safcftm · Post by **safcftm** » Wed Oct 05, 2011 8:21 pm

The first confession has arrived anonymously:

i prefer the grove to highbury. never really liked highbury in all honesty.

i don't really care about people giving wenger paedo abuse. it's football for fuck sake, get over it, we sing munich songs and the odd holocaust song (which tbf is too far as we have lots of jewish fans) i don't really care, and in fact quite enjoy 'dark humour' football songs.

i don't hate west ham at all, in fact i want em to come up this year.

i've met jamie redknapp and failed to call him a *word censored*, to be fair i was only 9, but i did emphatically reject both a handshake and a 'do you want my autograph'.

i secretly fancy aa23northbank.

Keep them coming lads!

Post by **flash gunner** » Wed Oct 05, 2011 8:43 pm

Not sure how its going to work but sounds like a funny idea mate

safcftm · Post by **safcftm** » Wed Oct 05, 2011 8:46 pm

Another confession has been made and, well, it is one that would shame us all. However we should embrace our brother and forgive him his sins as he is now cleansed:

hello friend

im a regular on the gooner forum and have a confession

mine is i used to support manchester united as a boy even had a shirt or two. My family were all gooners but i moved away from them but i always followed Arsenals results and as i got older i started going to Arsenal and eventually dumped united. This is shameful and im very sorry to you all

i also fancy a bit of rumpy pumpy with KingJayson's anus

topcat · Post by **topcat** » Wed Oct 05, 2011 8:58 pm

Great idea

SWLGooner · Post by **SWLGooner** » Wed Oct 05, 2011 9:17 pm

Were them two from the same bloke?

the playing mantis · Post by **the playing mantis** » Wed Oct 05, 2011 9:17 pm

who doesnt want west ham up, they share our loathing of spurs, and are usually good for 6 points. whats not to like,

Percy Dalton · Post by **Percy Dalton** » Wed Oct 05, 2011 9:36 pm

I fucked DB10's missus!

It was a huge mistake and it was heartbreaking for her knowing that the 56th time was the last and that she had to go back to small portions again!

I had to end it when she became obsessed by her husbands lies about fucking English women and how upset she got about his obvious lack of height, ability and looks to do this.

She wanted to runaway with the circus but it was clear he was more suited and his grape juggling act was well known and would be the main bread winner......that and tarmacing!

safcftm · Post by **safcftm** » Wed Oct 05, 2011 11:13 pm

The latest confessions are in. These good souls have now been cleansed:

I have a small penis, like reeeeeally small. it does my head in sometimes.

and, from another confessor

I live in a flat and my next door neighbour has a beautiful wife. Whenever they have sex I lie in my bed with my ear to the wall listening and ***** wishing I was fucking her. I have stolen her underwear from the washing line before and I sniff it even though I know its clean

I'll bet thats a weight off your shoulders, you can now feel free from trouble. Keep the confessions coming lads, tell the online gooners your worries and sins

safcftm · Post by **safcftm** » Wed Oct 05, 2011 11:14 pm

SWLGooner wrote:Were them two from the same bloke?

Nope (unless the sneaky beast has 2 email accounts). All confessions are from separate email accounts

Post by **DB10GOONER** » Thu Oct 06, 2011 7:01 am

Percy Dalton wrote:I fucked DB10's missus!

It was a huge mistake and it was heartbreaking for her knowing that the 56th time was the last and that she had to go back to small portions again!

I had to end it when she became obsessed by her husbands lies about fucking English women and how upset she got about his obvious lack of height, ability and looks to do this.

She wanted to runaway with the circus but it was clear he was more suited and his grape juggling act was well known and would be the main bread winner......that and tarmacing!

Sorry, Chubbsy - would never happen. The woman is used to the best. How could she go from my Rolls Royce-style loving to your Fiat Uno-style *premature ejaculating micro-cock?

*Yep, your Doris told Spuddy and me all about it. At least that's what I think she said - Spuddy was nuts deep in her throat at the time!