An Irish citizenship test

[RoscommonGooner]

Rick O’Shea, an Irish radio DJ on RTE’s 2fm, recently asked his listeners what questions they think should be asked on an Irish citizenship test, and they responded with some amusing answers. O’Shea’s team has since made a poster to convey all the favorite responses.

• You are told that someone is "going spare," should you (a) Find him a job (b) Find him a girlfriend (c) Avoid him
  Do your parents ever start conversations with "Do you know who's dead?"
  Ming the Merciless is (a) A comic book character (b) A TD and Mayor from Co. Roscommon
  What is a holy show? (a) Religious programming (b) Something garish worn without the wearer knowing the impact
  Do you live in immortal fear of leaving the immersion on?
  Someone says "I like your top." Your response is (a) Thanks (b) Penneys
  If a feature on the RTE news reports that an incident took place at tea time what time did the incident occur?
  "Story horse!" translates as (a) A child's toy (b) A greeting between friends
  "Bleedin rappih" means (a) It's very fast (b) It's very good
  If someone was a 'gas man', would they (a) work for the gas company (b) be really funny
  You'll get "some land" means (a) you're about to become the owner of some property (b) you're about to be surprised
  Do you have an ineradicable belief in the restorative powers of flat 7up?
  When you're telling someone a great yarn and they implore you to "Stop," do you (a) stop (b) keep going with gusto
  If someone offers to "put you in the pot", should you (a) flee from the cannibals (b) accept their kind offer of dinner

[REB]

did you leave the immersion on is something i heard all my child hood
and the flat 7 up

[corkbarry]

I have just put Geraldine through the test, she passed except for the Bleeding rappih. i have never heard of that one myself! it must be a jackeen one.

[mcdowell42]

Or when an irish person is told so and so died the 1st thing they say is i was only talking to him last week as if a person cant die if you have only spoken to them recently

[enjibenji]

Can you tell the diffrence between the word 3 and tree

[DB10GOONER]

I have just put Geraldine through the test, she passed except for the Bleeding rappih. i have never heard of that one myself! it must be a jackeen one.

It is a Dub saying alright. Pronounced "Bleen' Rapah!". It's actually "Bleeding Rapid".

"Rapid" is something good. Adding "Bleeding" makes it extra good.

Mostly said by Jacobs though...

[flash gunner]

Anyone else really happy they dont understand a word of this thread

[RoscommonGooner]

I'm not sure if I posted this already.

IRELAND......... The only place where........



• When you were young, you went to bed when Glenroe was over,

• If you die from alcohol poisoning, you're considered a lightweight,

• 'F*ck off' means 'Are you serious?', ... ...

• The person that you insult most is your best friend,

• Saying 'I will yea' means that you definitely won't,

• "F*ck it, its grand' means that you couldn't be bothered to finish it properly,

• 'Hes fond of a drink' means he suffers from severe life-threatening alcoholism,

• Saying you're going for a drink means you might not be seen again for 3 days,

• Crisps are called 'Taytos' and fizzy drinks are called 'minerals',

• 'For the craic' is the best reason for doing anything,

• The best cure for a hangover is more drink,

• Nobody can go a day without saying 'Jaysus',

• 'Meeting' has a double meaning,

• Tea is the solution to every problem,

• And water is the solution to every GAA injury,

• "I got stuck behind a tractor' is a perfectly valid reason for being late,

• We eat Tayto sambos for lunch, and ham sandwiches on the way to Croke Park,

• You can insert the name of a gardening tool into any sentence and it still makes sense, e.g. 'I had a rake of drink last night' or "I'll be out in a minute, I'm just shoveling down the dinner',

• GAA is considered religion,

• Its perfectly acceptable to call your mother 'mammy' even though you are a fully grown adult,

• Saying 'Now we're sucking diesel' means that you are happy with the outcome of the situation,

• Drinking 'tae' is everyone's favourite past time,

• You're scared of the wooden spoon,

• The word 'like' goes in every sentence,

• You can say "Any craic' to a garda and you won't get arrested,

• 'The dogs' b*llocks' means something brilliant.

[LyusN1]

Had a right good laugh at these. The 'Do you know who died?' is quality. Same as flat 7up.

'I will, yeah'. Brilliant

As for the 'Fuck it, it's grand'. That's what my old man said when he fixed the kitchen tiles that fell off the wall... He fucking sellotaped them back on and they're still there now

[M-50]

great thread, did someone mention drink

[MegaGooner]

great thread, did someone mention potatoes

[Barriecuda]

great thread, did someone mention potatoes

Interesting thread!

[Alasdair]

Only Brilliant!!!
Please keep this thread going... from my own experience...

"Stop the lights"... an expression of disbelief
"Roll it there Colette"..... Lets start
"I will in me hole".... I definitely won't
"Sure the night is only a pup"... We have lots more time for drinking

[SWLGooner]

• 'F*ck off' means 'Are you serious?', ... ...

• The person that you insult most is your best friend,

• The best cure for a hangover is more drink,

• The word 'like' goes in every sentence,

• 'The dogs' b*llocks' means something brilliant.

Reckon we have all these in London...