1. A top top quality keeper pref one that is not cup tied for european games(buffon would be nice santa if I aint taking the piss

). I know a lot of fans will focus on almunia's penalty save but for me I cannot get past the goal he conceded - how can a keeper be beaten at his near post like that

I know Jens wouldnt have conceded that goal.
2. A quality striker with pace to play alongside van persie.Again I would prefer if not cup tied but, as it is not as high a priority as the keeper situation, I would accept the signing of either anelka or huntellar even though they are inelegible for champs lge now.
3. Cashly to break both his legs and catch some disgusting std. To crown it off I would like his tart to be caught shagging some other bloke and for him to be caught stealing money from his chav team-mates.
4. Rio to contract a dangerous std from sharing a mobile phone(see number 3 above).
5. For alex ferguscum to be arrested while receiving the tour of london at night with david pleat

However the two 15 year olds in the back are to be released without charge