Page 125 of 134

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2018 12:49 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Saw 2 blind men fighting yesterday,
Didn't know how to stop them fighting,
So I shouted "I'm supporting the one with the knife"
They both stopped & ran away.
:lol:

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Dec 07, 2018 5:48 pm
by CloakedGooner
Just walked past a Game shop and saw a French footballer playing on the Nintendo!

Yep, I'm pretty sure it was Thierry on Wii :D

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2018 5:26 pm
by DB10GOONER
Just walked past a Game shop and saw a French footballer playing on the Nintendo!

Yep, I'm pretty sure it was Thierry on Wii :D
:shock:

That's.... that's so bad it's actually quite good ! :lol:

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2018 7:50 am
by CloakedGooner
Just walked past a Game shop and saw a French footballer playing on the Nintendo!

Yep, I'm pretty sure it was Thierry on Wii :D
:shock:

That's.... that's so bad it's actually quite good ! :lol:

:-P

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2018 10:03 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
When my girlfriend winds me up I look at her through a fork and pretends she's in prison.

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Thu Jan 03, 2019 5:29 pm
by mcdowell42
"We took this small company because it's a start-up British business that has a credible plan."

The government's decision to award a ferry contract to a firm that doesn't have any ships as part of its no-deal Brexit planning is defended by Transport Secretary Chris Grayling. https://t.co/zKBLPzNHjb

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Tue Jan 08, 2019 5:21 pm
by DB10GOONER
Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory.

For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.

Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.

After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Yossel to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind.

The next day he came home from work very early. His wife, Sacha, became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened. Yossel tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did it, and he was immediately fired.

Sacha gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants and shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis. She looked up and said, "I don't understand. What about the pickle slicer?"

Yossel replied, "I think she got fired, too."

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Tue Jan 08, 2019 5:23 pm
by DB10GOONER
An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scot, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a SierraLeonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean...

all go to a posh nightclub ..................................

The doorman stops them and says "sorry I can’t let you in without a Thai".

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2019 11:17 am
by augie
Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory.

For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.

Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.

After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Yossel to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind.

The next day he came home from work very early. His wife, Sacha, became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened. Yossel tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did it, and he was immediately fired.

Sacha gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants and shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis. She looked up and said, "I don't understand. What about the pickle slicer?"

Yossel replied, "I think she got fired, too."



Can mods be warned over putting up jokes that are not from this century ? If not then they bloody well should be :wink:

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2019 1:27 pm
by DB10GOONER
Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory.

For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.

Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.

After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Yossel to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind.

The next day he came home from work very early. His wife, Sacha, became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened. Yossel tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did it, and he was immediately fired.

Sacha gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants and shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis. She looked up and said, "I don't understand. What about the pickle slicer?"

Yossel replied, "I think she got fired, too."



Can mods be warned over putting up jokes that are not from this century ? If not then they bloody well should be :wink:
:lol:

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Feb 01, 2019 11:13 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
In the cemetery I saw 4 men carrying a coffin round and round.

3 hours later I saw the same men with the same coffin and i thought to myself "they've lost the fuckin plot"

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Apr 05, 2019 3:31 pm
by corkbarry
A brave woman to go to a fancy dress party as this. :D



Image

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Fri Apr 19, 2019 8:31 am
by Postman
Paddy and Murphy fancy a Pint but only have a £1 between them. Paddy goes off and buys a sausage.
Murphy says are You mad? Now we're skint! Come on says Paddy follow Me.
They go into the pub order two pints and drink them before they pay. Paddy shoves the Sausage through the zipper of his Jeans and tells Murphy to get down on his Knee's and suck it. The Barman go's berserk and throws them out.
10 pubs and 10 pints later Murphy says..
'I cant do this any more, my Knee's are sore and I'm pissed.
How do you think i feel? Says Paddy, I can't even remember which Pub I lost the Sausage in!?

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Mon Apr 29, 2019 10:49 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory.

For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.

Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.

After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Yossel to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind.

The next day he came home from work very early. His wife, Sacha, became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened. Yossel tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did it, and he was immediately fired.

Sacha gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants and shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis. She looked up and said, "I don't understand. What about the pickle slicer?"

Yossel replied, "I think she got fired, too."
:lol:

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Posted: Wed May 01, 2019 6:22 am
by DB10GOONER
Paddy and Murphy fancy a Pint but only have a £1 between them. Paddy goes off and buys a sausage.
Murphy says are You mad? Now we're skint! Come on says Paddy follow Me.
They go into the pub order two pints and drink them before they pay. Paddy shoves the Sausage through the zipper of his Jeans and tells Murphy to get down on his Knee's and suck it. The Barman go's berserk and throws them out.
10 pubs and 10 pints later Murphy says..
'I cant do this any more, my Knee's are sore and I'm pissed.
How do you think i feel? Says Paddy, I can't even remember which Pub I lost the Sausage in!?
:lol: