LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

It's all a load of Cannonballs in here! This is the virtual Arsenal pub where you can chat about anything except football. Be warned though, like any pub, the content may not always be suitable for everyone.
LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 7996
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Fri Nov 16, 2018 12:49 pm

Saw 2 blind men fighting yesterday,
Didn't know how to stop them fighting,
So I shouted "I'm supporting the one with the knife"
They both stopped & ran away.
:lol:

User avatar
CloakedGooner
Posts: 410
Joined: Mon Mar 02, 2015 8:57 pm
Location: Dear old London Town

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby CloakedGooner » Fri Dec 07, 2018 5:48 pm

Just walked past a Game shop and saw a French footballer playing on the Nintendo!

Yep, I'm pretty sure it was Thierry on Wii :D

User avatar
DB10GOONER
Posts: 46502
Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2007 2:06 pm
Location: Dublin, Ireland.
Contact:

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby DB10GOONER » Mon Dec 10, 2018 5:26 pm

Just walked past a Game shop and saw a French footballer playing on the Nintendo!

Yep, I'm pretty sure it was Thierry on Wii :D
:shock:

That's.... that's so bad it's actually quite good ! :lol:

User avatar
CloakedGooner
Posts: 410
Joined: Mon Mar 02, 2015 8:57 pm
Location: Dear old London Town

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby CloakedGooner » Wed Dec 12, 2018 7:50 am

Just walked past a Game shop and saw a French footballer playing on the Nintendo!

Yep, I'm pretty sure it was Thierry on Wii :D
:shock:

That's.... that's so bad it's actually quite good ! :lol:

:-P

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 7996
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Mon Dec 17, 2018 10:03 pm

When my girlfriend winds me up I look at her through a fork and pretends she's in prison.

User avatar
mcdowell42
Posts: 12740
Joined: Tue Nov 04, 2008 6:19 pm
Location: ireland

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby mcdowell42 » Thu Jan 03, 2019 5:29 pm

"We took this small company because it's a start-up British business that has a credible plan."

The government's decision to award a ferry contract to a firm that doesn't have any ships as part of its no-deal Brexit planning is defended by Transport Secretary Chris Grayling. https://t.co/zKBLPzNHjb

User avatar
DB10GOONER
Posts: 46502
Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2007 2:06 pm
Location: Dublin, Ireland.
Contact:

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby DB10GOONER » Tue Jan 08, 2019 5:21 pm

Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory.

For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.

Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.

After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Yossel to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind.

The next day he came home from work very early. His wife, Sacha, became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened. Yossel tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did it, and he was immediately fired.

Sacha gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants and shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis. She looked up and said, "I don't understand. What about the pickle slicer?"

Yossel replied, "I think she got fired, too."

User avatar
DB10GOONER
Posts: 46502
Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2007 2:06 pm
Location: Dublin, Ireland.
Contact:

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby DB10GOONER » Tue Jan 08, 2019 5:23 pm

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scot, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a SierraLeonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean...

all go to a posh nightclub ..................................

The doorman stops them and says "sorry I can’t let you in without a Thai".

User avatar
augie
Posts: 24977
Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2007 3:03 pm
Location: Ireland

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby augie » Thu Jan 10, 2019 11:17 am

Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory.

For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.

Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.

After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Yossel to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind.

The next day he came home from work very early. His wife, Sacha, became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened. Yossel tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did it, and he was immediately fired.

Sacha gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants and shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis. She looked up and said, "I don't understand. What about the pickle slicer?"

Yossel replied, "I think she got fired, too."



Can mods be warned over putting up jokes that are not from this century ? If not then they bloody well should be :wink:

User avatar
DB10GOONER
Posts: 46502
Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2007 2:06 pm
Location: Dublin, Ireland.
Contact:

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby DB10GOONER » Thu Jan 10, 2019 1:27 pm

Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory.

For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.

Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.

After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Yossel to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind.

The next day he came home from work very early. His wife, Sacha, became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened. Yossel tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did it, and he was immediately fired.

Sacha gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants and shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis. She looked up and said, "I don't understand. What about the pickle slicer?"

Yossel replied, "I think she got fired, too."



Can mods be warned over putting up jokes that are not from this century ? If not then they bloody well should be :wink:
:lol:

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 7996
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Fri Feb 01, 2019 11:13 am

In the cemetery I saw 4 men carrying a coffin round and round.

3 hours later I saw the same men with the same coffin and i thought to myself "they've lost the fuckin plot"

User avatar
corkbarry
Posts: 6142
Joined: Thu Jul 19, 2007 2:59 pm
Location: Cork

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby corkbarry » Fri Apr 05, 2019 3:31 pm

A brave woman to go to a fancy dress party as this. :D



Image

User avatar
Postman
Posts: 309
Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2008 9:21 am
Location: N5

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby Postman » Fri Apr 19, 2019 8:31 am

Paddy and Murphy fancy a Pint but only have a £1 between them. Paddy goes off and buys a sausage.
Murphy says are You mad? Now we're skint! Come on says Paddy follow Me.
They go into the pub order two pints and drink them before they pay. Paddy shoves the Sausage through the zipper of his Jeans and tells Murphy to get down on his Knee's and suck it. The Barman go's berserk and throws them out.
10 pubs and 10 pints later Murphy says..
'I cant do this any more, my Knee's are sore and I'm pissed.
How do you think i feel? Says Paddy, I can't even remember which Pub I lost the Sausage in!?

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 7996
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Mon Apr 29, 2019 10:49 am

Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory.

For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.

Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.

After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Yossel to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind.

The next day he came home from work very early. His wife, Sacha, became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened. Yossel tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did it, and he was immediately fired.

Sacha gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants and shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis. She looked up and said, "I don't understand. What about the pickle slicer?"

Yossel replied, "I think she got fired, too."
:lol:

User avatar
DB10GOONER
Posts: 46502
Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2007 2:06 pm
Location: Dublin, Ireland.
Contact:

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby DB10GOONER » Wed May 01, 2019 6:22 am

Paddy and Murphy fancy a Pint but only have a £1 between them. Paddy goes off and buys a sausage.
Murphy says are You mad? Now we're skint! Come on says Paddy follow Me.
They go into the pub order two pints and drink them before they pay. Paddy shoves the Sausage through the zipper of his Jeans and tells Murphy to get down on his Knee's and suck it. The Barman go's berserk and throws them out.
10 pubs and 10 pints later Murphy says..
'I cant do this any more, my Knee's are sore and I'm pissed.
How do you think i feel? Says Paddy, I can't even remember which Pub I lost the Sausage in!?
:lol:


Return to “The Cannonballs”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests