LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

[Midz]

On the eve of our anniversary my wife and I agreed that whoever woke up first in the morning should wake the other one with oral sex.

Come the morning I was up first so I slowly pulled back the covers...

... and stuck my cock in her mouth.

[OneBardGooner]

All Brilliant Lefty ! Thank you mate...

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

All Brilliant Lefty ! Thank you mate...

Thanks mate and DB and Midz too, I think you're my audience of three, now I know how Lenny Henry feels

[gazzatt2]

im the fourth

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

im the fourth

Cheers Gaz, I've arrived

[mcdowell42]

I'm here too,

[DB10GOONER]

All Brilliant Lefty ! Thank you mate...

Thanks mate and DB and Midz too, I think you're my audience of three, now I know how Lenny Henry feels

With the addition of Gaz and McD, you now officially have a bigger audience than Lenny Henry, Lefty!

[gazzatt2]

sonn have enough to book a table at a comedy club

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

All Brilliant Lefty ! Thank you mate...

Thanks mate and DB and Midz too, I think you're my audience of three, now I know how Lenny Henry feels

With the addition of Gaz and McD, you now officially have a bigger audience than Lenny Henry, Lefty!

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

sonn have enough to book a table at a comedy club

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I'm here too,

Cheers Mcd and I don't care what everyone else says I'm a fan of your transfer insight posts

[mcdowell42]

I steal your jokes off here and share them with acquaintances on FB obviously the more risqué ones I don't post

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I steal your jokes off here and share them with acquaintances on FB obviously the more risqué ones I don't post

Don't be a pussy,put them on I've only been banned a couple of times on Facebook and they ALL go on

[mcdowell42]

I do have younger viewers on there, so I have to be mindful

[LeftfootlegendGooner]

I do have younger viewers on there, so I have to be mindful

True story, I've done quite a few wedding speeches over the years and can't help but put in some risky jokes (my family say I've torrettes because I don't have a filter ), the last speech was at my mums wedding a couple of years back where I gave her away (gladly btw ).

I invited my brothers and sisters round to my house the week before to jot down some notes for the speech, obviously I've inserted some jokes which at the time got approval because it was all adults in attendance at the wedding.

So, I'm at the top table with one of my brothers and sat a couple of seats away on the same table was my mums husbands granddaughter who we didn't know was attending.

So I've stood up, looked at my brother who was mouthing "no Charlie", I of course smiled at him and he bowed his head down and murmured "fuck sake"

I started off with, "hi, how old is your daughter" to the parents who replied "12".

I said "you might want to block her ears as there's some priest jokes in here that are relevant to her age"

In fairness I toned it down because his side of the family looked mortified while mine were pissing themselves laughing