Long time, no see

Post by **gooner.ed** » Tue Oct 21, 2008 5:44 am

sorry to hear this devastating news. it's a horrible situation, but when you are with your mum, just be yourself. don't lose your sense of humour as i am sure the last thing she'd want is to have people acting too diiferently when they are around her. listen to what she wants and respect that.

there is a tendency to overdo things at this time. what she will appreciate most is simple company rather than doing anything, and at times she will want to be on her own.

i've been through this with the other half's mum. and there were some good times as the clock wound down, which the missus will always treasure. mostly, these were laughs when they were just having a cuppa and a chat.

thoughts are with you, and i am sure that goes for all the forum regulars.

Post by **DB10GOONER** » Tue Oct 21, 2008 8:27 am

Jaysus, 26, I'm so sorry to hear this, mate. I went through it with my dad back in February and what you are going through now is the initial horrific shock of being told such terrible news. It will take a while to sink in fully. Feeling unaccountably angry about other people living into their 90's while your mom is facing cancer in her 60's is natural. I remember even looking at friends of mine and angrily wondering why their parents were ok and my dad was dying.

The time ahead will be tough, mate, I can't pretend it won't be. But your mom needs you now. Just be there. Be company for her. And your family because they'll be hurting too. The hardest part for me was telling my kids (3 years and 4 years old) that their grandad had gone to heaven to be with God. I told them he was there to protect them, to keep an eye on them. It still breaks my heart to recall their sad little faces.

I and my family were with my dad when he passed away and honestly, it helped to see him go, to slip away just so peacefully. We were lucky in that we were called into the hospital just hours before he died and we each got to have a little time alone with him, to just say the things we always wanted to say but were too busy to do so properly. If there is anything you want to talk to your mum about or anything you've always felt you should say then say it, because you will regret not doing so after she is gone.

Sounds like your mum is a star, let her know you feel that. Let her know you appreciate the great job she did raising you. As a father myself, my priorities have changed so much and the most important thing to me now is to raise my kids right. That's my biggest ambition and my biggest worry. It would be the same for your mom. She will have given so much for you and your brother, so much of her life and her energy and her time and her heart. You will find her biggest worry now is how you and your family are feeling, not what she is facing. My dad was the same. It will ease her remaining time to know you are strong together.

I know I'm rambling a bit here, man, but my dad's death is still so fresh and raw and it will be the same for you.

My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.

SWLGooner · Post by **SWLGooner** » Tue Oct 21, 2008 8:40 am

All the best mate. Good luck.

augie · Post by **augie** » Tue Oct 21, 2008 9:13 am

26/5/89 all I can say mate is to echo everyone else's thoughts that now is just about making the most of what time ye have left together and making it as easy and comfortable as your mom wants it.
I have a mate living over here from pompey and his father has just died of cancer too and the thing that really irritates him now is the lack of info that they received from the doctors and hospital cos he was in a similar situation to you in that he has a brother living in australia and while he obviously wanted to spend as much time as possible with his dad it was impracticle for him to come back over indefinitely and leave his family behind and thats why info is so important right now. He also spoke very highly of the hospice that cared for his dad at the end and again things like that are so important in making your loved ones comfortable.

As everybody else has said my thoughts and prayers are with you, your mom and all your family at this awful time.

Post by **Chippy** » Tue Oct 21, 2008 9:22 am

augie wrote:26/5/89 all I can say mate is to echo everyone else's thoughts that now is just about making the most of what time ye have left together and making it as easy and comfortable as your mom wants it.
I have a mate living over here from pompey and his father has just died of cancer too and the thing that really irritates him now is the lack of info that they received from the doctors and hospital cos he was in a similar situation to you in that he has a brother living in australia and while he obviously wanted to spend as much time as possible with his dad it was impracticle for him to come back over indefinitely and leave his family behind and thats why info is so important right now. He also spoke very highly of the hospice that cared for his dad at the end and again things like that are so important in making your loved ones comfortable.

As everybody else has said my thoughts and prayers are with you, your mom and all your family at this awful time.

Augie, I absolutely know what you mean but it is difficult for the doctors. I made an absolute twat of myself

forcing the doctor to give a prediction with my mum. He eventually said 6 weeks. She lasted another 6 months. Ironically the day she died she saw a doctor in the morning who said she was not deteriorating and could last for months more. She died that afternoon. pepople just have to make the most of what time remains.

NBM · Post by **NBM** » Tue Oct 21, 2008 9:32 am

Thoughts are with you 26/5/89

Basil is a Gooner · Post by **Basil is a Gooner** » Tue Oct 21, 2008 10:53 am

Sorry to hear your news mate and agree with all the sentiments already posted.

pixie · Post by **pixie** » Tue Oct 21, 2008 1:11 pm

Basil is a Gooner wrote:Sorry to hear your news mate and agree with all the sentiments already posted.

Echoed

Mrs Gus (Doris) · Post by **Mrs Gus (Doris)** » Tue Oct 21, 2008 3:09 pm

Awful news George, your thread made me cry last night when I read it after Gus told me.

I wish you and your family hope and strength and although this time will be hard and painful, may your time together be that of lasting and happy memories.

Makes you realise that we all have to enjoy our time here and appreciate what you have and that includes cherishing the people that you love.

Take care and my thoughts are with you. .

Charlie! Charlie! · Post by **Charlie! Charlie!** » Wed Oct 22, 2008 7:40 am

I'm so sorry to hear your news. Most of it has already been said but I think you should cherish every moment and realise that time really is a great healer. Stay strong.

26may1989 · Post by **26may1989** » Wed Oct 22, 2008 12:42 pm

I just wanted to say thanks for all your very kind thoughts, and for the practical advice. The whole situation still feels surreal, it's such a difficult thing to accept, but your posts help. My Mum is of course very scared, but I'm determined that my family will do our very best for her.

Post by **QuartzGooner** » Wed Oct 22, 2008 10:27 pm

Sorry to hear that shocking news 26May, my thoughts are with you.