Joke time

[Postman]

Paddy is planning to marry, he is, and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin.
His doctor says, "Aye, Paddy, all Irish use three things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself.... Virginity Test Kit.... a small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel."
Paddy asks, "Aye, and what do I do with these things, doctor?"
The doctor replies, "Before ye climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue. If she says, "That's the strangest pair of balls I ever did see...", you hit her
with the shovel.'

[olgitgooner]

Man says to his wife "Got a new game to play. I bought a variety pack of flavoured condoms. We'll turn the lights off. I put a condom on. You give me a bj and try to guess the flavour".

They strip off. Get into bed. Lights go off. Wife goes down.

She says "Cheese and onion!"

He says "I haven't put the condom on, yet".

[REB]

Apparently, Harry Redknapp offered to send the Tottenham squad on an paid holiday to Florida at the TAX payers expense but they said they'd rather go to Blackpool so they could see what it's like to ride on an open-top bus.

[DazzatheGunner]

Portsmouth FC: The only club that encourages fans to throw coins at the players!