A few jokes

[Wayno]

A few jokes that have come through on text today:

Q: Whats nine inches long and hangs in front of a *word censored*?

A: Steve Mclarens tie

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Whats the difference between Lewis Hamilton and England's footie team?

A: Lewis still has a Mclaren

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

To celebrate Englands Euro campaign, OXO have launched a new red and white gravy cube...................It's called the laughing stock

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

England have decided to replace the three lions on their shirts with three tampax, these are to represent their worst period ever

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

And lastly, non football related but made me laugh

Q: When is a fairy not a fairy?

A: When she's blowing a pixie she is a Goblin

[REB]

like the last one

[Charlie! Charlie!]

Bloke chatting up a girl in a bar and its going well he says:

"i've had a great evening, would you like to come back to my place?"

She replies:

"i'm afraid im on my menstrual cycle.."

Bloke says;

"thats ok, i'll follow on my moped".

[REB]

q) whats the difference between a mosquito and a woman



a) the mosquito stops sucking after you slap it

[flash gunner]

The husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual,

"I have a headache."

"Perfect," her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my dick with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, it's up to you!"

[daz10_uk]

My mate at work told me this the other day.....

A bloke walks into a pub in Wales and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the pub looks up, surprised, and the barman looks around and says: "Youre not from round here, are you?... where you from, boyo?"

The bloke says, "I'm from London."

Looking like he has met an alien the barman asks, "What the hell you do in London?"

The bloke says, "I'm a taxidermist."

The barman asks, "A taxidermist?..... whats a taxidermist?"

The bloke says "I mount animals."

The barman grins and shouts out to the whole pub, "It's OK lads, he's one of us!"

I hope i havent offended any welshmen im not rascist really

[REB]

did you hear about the irish burglar who broke into
ladbrokes..


he lost £20

[Red Gunner]

I read this one in Metro:

What do you call an Englishman in Euro 2008? Ref!

[REB]

went to the offices of the rspca today,,

bloody place was tiny,,,
you couldnt swing a cat in there

[augie]

Steve McClaren is going to the xmas fancy dress party dressed as a pumpkin - he is hoping that at midnight someone will turn him into a proper coach

whats the difference between lewis hamilton & the english footie team ? hamilton has a place in switzerland and a mc claren that actually works properly

[stearmaster]

i got a few jokes

ENGLAND NATIONAL TEAM
TOTTENSCUM
STEVE McCLOWN

[stearmaster]

more embarrassment for england as davis platt turns down the england job he was quoted saying he gave it careful consideration but decided to stay in coronation street[/quote]

[southampton gooner]

5 things that ya girlfriend should say to you.

1. I’m bored let’s shave my pussy.
2. That fart was great do another one.
3. Of course I swallow I love the taste of cum
4. Just for a change could you put it in my ass
5. That’s fine you drink all the beer you want and watch porn. I’m going to get on with the washing up.





Carlsberg don’t do girlfriends but if they did………….

[Wayno]

5 things that ya girlfriend should say to you.

1. I’m bored let’s shave my pussy.
2. That fart was great do another one.
3. Of course I swallow I love the taste of cum
4. Just for a change could you put it in my ass
5. That’s fine you drink all the beer you want and watch porn. I’m going to get on with the washing up.

If only

[dbrien]

How do you make a whore moan?

Punch her in the face!