New joke thread...(Avoid if easily offended!!)

As we're unlikely to see terraces again at football, this is the virtual equivalent where you can chat to your hearts content about all football matters and, obviously, Arsenal in particular. This forum encourages all Gooners to visit and contribute so please keep it respectful, clean and topical.
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DB10GOONER
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New joke thread...(Avoid if easily offended!!)

Post by DB10GOONER »

The thread is new, not the jokes! :lol: :wink:

After a long night of making love,
the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman ' s nightstand by the bed.
He begins to worry.
' Is this your husband? '
he nervously asks.
' No, silly, '
she replies, snuggling up to him.
' Your boyfriend, then? '
he continues.
' No, not at all, '
she says, nibbling away at his ear.
' Is it your dad or your brother? '
he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
' No, no, no! You are so hot when you ' re jealous! ' she answers.
' Well, who in the heck is he, then? '
he demands.
She whispers in his ear
' That 's me before the surgery. '

:shock: :lol:

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DB10GOONER
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Post by DB10GOONER »

Female "colleague" sent me this;

A Real Man

A real man is a woman's best friend. He will
never stand her up and never let her down.
He will reassure her when she feels insecure
and comfort her after a bad day.

He will inspire her to do things she never
thought she could do; to live without fear
and forget regret. He will enable her to
express her deepest emotions and give in to
her most intimate desires. He will make sure
she always feels as though she's the most
beautiful woman in the room and will enable
her to be the most confident, sexy,
seductive and invincible.

No wait... sorry...
I'm thinking of wine.

It’s wine that does all that.

Never mind
.



Oh well, one for the ladies and tennis fans, I suppose... :roll:

:-P :wink:

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REB
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Post by REB »

The Tottenham Arsenal game last night was definitely 1-4 the record books.

:wink:

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DB10GOONER
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Post by DB10GOONER »

REBEL GOONER wrote:The Tottenham Arsenal game last night was definitely 1-4 the record books.

:wink:
Ayoh! :lol:

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REB
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Post by REB »

I see The Captain America movie is filming in Manchester today...apparantly he is hunting the cities most elusive of villains, a Man United fan!

:wink:

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OnlyGotOneSong
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Post by OnlyGotOneSong »

You dont have to be good at anagrams to know that Pope Benedict is an Epic Bent Pedo.

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DB10GOONER
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Post by DB10GOONER »

OnlyGotOneSong wrote:You dont have to be good at anagrams to know that Pope Benedict is an Epic Bent Pedo.
:lol:

And did you know that “Is the Pope a pedoâ€

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Connolly55
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Post by Connolly55 »

Titus Bramble arrested for rape? One things for sure, his defence will be shit.

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OnlyGotOneSong
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Post by OnlyGotOneSong »

DB10GOONER wrote:
OnlyGotOneSong wrote:You dont have to be good at anagrams to know that Pope Benedict is an Epic Bent Pedo.
:lol:

And did you know that “Is the Pope a pedoâ€

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DB10GOONER
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Post by DB10GOONER »

Going around a council estate on a weekday morning dressed in a suit pretending to be a bailiff is a great way to get free blow-jobs.


Apparently Chris Moyles is angry that the BBC haven't paid him for two months. Perhaps the BBC have changed his contract to a Pay Per Joke deal and forgotten to tell him?


BREAKING NEWS:
The chairman of the Indian Commonwealth games has just tried to hang himself. But the ceiling collapsed!


Q: What are the Pope's favourite grooming products?

A: Kit Kats and Haribo


I'm a sucker for cheering the underdog and sometimes they look like they might just win, but alas it all ends in tears. Take Wednesday for instance ...

Scunthorpe going one up against Man Utd,
Preston leading the entire game against Wigan...
and Liverpool going one up against Northampton.

:wink:

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OnlyGotOneSong
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Post by OnlyGotOneSong »

I fucked a woman with a wooden leg last night. Although, thinking back, I probably should have just used my cock.

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safcftm
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Post by safcftm »

Connolly55 wrote:Titus Bramble arrested for rape? One things for sure, his defence will be shit.
unless the prosecution lawyer is marouane chamakh, in which case the prosecution wont get a sniff :wink:

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Post by DB10GOONER »

safcftm wrote:
Connolly55 wrote:Titus Bramble arrested for rape? One things for sure, his defence will be shit.
unless the prosecution lawyer is marouane chamakh, in which case the prosecution wont get a sniff :wink:
:coffeespit:

But also; :rebel_2:


:wink:

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OnlyGotOneSong
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Post by OnlyGotOneSong »

When asked recently if he had ever Tweeted anyone, Jonathan Ross said 'Yes, I tweeted my wife to a womantic dinner on her birthday.'

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eliogooner
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Post by eliogooner »

OnlyGotOneSong wrote:When asked recently if he had ever Tweeted anyone, Jonathan Ross said 'Yes, I tweeted my wife to a womantic dinner on her birthday.'
:lol:

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