Jokes

As we're unlikely to see terraces again at football, this is the virtual equivalent where you can chat to your hearts content about all football matters and, obviously, Arsenal in particular. This forum encourages all Gooners to visit and contribute so please keep it respectful, clean and topical.
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scfc64
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Post by scfc64 »

flash gunner wrote:Ive had funnier illness' than the jokes on this thread :?
We had a party at our house the other night and for a laugh,when my son fell asleep I shaved his eyebrows off and drew a cock on his face.

My wife was raging.....when she picked him up to breast-feed him!

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Exiled-Gooner
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Post by Exiled-Gooner »

85% of scouse men have sex in the shower....the other 15% haven't been to prison yet!!!

northbankbren
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Post by northbankbren »

7% of scouser say they are in favour of the euro.

The other 93% said they prefered the giro.

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DB10GOONER
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Post by DB10GOONER »

WILL SOMEONE PLEASE POST A JOKE ON THIS FUCKING THREAD??!! :banghead: :evil:



:wink:

1989
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Post by 1989 »

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

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DB10GOONER
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Post by DB10GOONER »

1989 wrote:As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
Oh.
Dear.
God.

:(








:wink:

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flash gunner
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Post by flash gunner »

Ive had funnier illness' than the jokes on this thread :?

1989
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Post by 1989 »

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...

He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.

"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?

"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.

He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."

Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"

She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"

1989
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Post by 1989 »

DB10GOONER wrote:Oh.
Dear.
God. :(



:wink:
flash gunner wrote:Ive had funnier illness' than the jokes on this thread :?
Humourless bastards. :roll: :lol: :wink:

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

So the beckhams have named their daughter Harper Seven?
Last time i heard that was when a bloke with a hairlip told me the time.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Teacher, "Billy, If there are 5 birds on a fence & you shoot 1, How many are left ?" Billy, "None, the others would fly away." Teacher, "The answer is 4, but I like the way you think."
Billy, "I have a question for you Miss. There are 3 women eating ice cream cones, 1 licking, 1 biting, & 1 sucking. Which one is married ?" Teacher nervously answers, "The one sucking ?" Billy, "The answer is the one with the wedding ring on, But I like the way you think !

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flash gunner
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Post by flash gunner »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:So the beckhams have named their daughter Harper Seven?
Last time i heard that was when a bloke with a hairlip told me the time.
:lol: :lol:

In a shit joke thread this one wins by a mile :barscarf: :barscarf: :barscarf:

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

flash gunner wrote:LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: So the beckhams have named their daughter Harper Seven?
Last time i heard that was when a bloke with a hairlip told me the time.



In a shit joke thread this one wins by a mile
:)

Like you say, wasn't up against much, bit like arsenal yesterday ;)

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delgooner
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Post by delgooner »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:So the beckhams have named their daughter Harper Seven?
Last time i heard that was when a bloke with a hairlip told me the time.

:coffeespit: :coffeespit:

Classic!

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DB10GOONER
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Post by DB10GOONER »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:So the beckhams have named their daughter Harper Seven?
Last time i heard that was when a bloke with a hairlip told me the time.
:lol: :lol:

FINALLY! And it might be offensive to some. Result. Well played Lefty. :wink:

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