Jokes

1886 · Post by **1886** » Wed Aug 10, 2011 3:55 pm

TeeCee wrote:BREAKING NEWS: Youths in Brighton smashing back doors in!!

But still no sign of any riots..

Rugby Gooner · Post by **Rugby Gooner** » Wed Aug 10, 2011 4:00 pm

I saw this badly disfigured bloke in Manchester.I said,"Are you ok,did someone try to set you alight?"No" he said,"I'm Carlos Teves."

Rugby Gooner · Post by **Rugby Gooner** » Wed Aug 10, 2011 4:05 pm

The riots in Tottenham started when Harry Redknapp declared an interest in Emile Heskey.
The riots in Birmingham stared when he changed his mind.

A dwarf was thinking about looting a Butchers,but the steaks were too high.

Rugby Gooner · Post by **Rugby Gooner** » Wed Aug 10, 2011 4:08 pm

I have just got back from the Blindfold Masturbation Championships.I have absolutely no idea where I came.

TeeCee · Post by **TeeCee** » Wed Aug 10, 2011 4:08 pm

Police have been given the OK to use water cannons against rioters, and have announced they will use a little bit of persil with it.........it stops colours running.....

TeeCee · Post by **TeeCee** » Wed Aug 10, 2011 4:12 pm

An insider at Everton has revealed that fans are reluctant to travel to London for this weekends game with Spurs due to the fact that the best gear will already have been nicked......

TeeCee · Post by **TeeCee** » Wed Aug 10, 2011 4:15 pm

London have described the situation today as devastating; Birmingham has been described as a war zone. Nottingham & Leicester are in severe shock.
Salford has described it as "Wednesday Morning"........

TeeCee · Post by **TeeCee** » Wed Aug 10, 2011 4:18 pm

During the riots last night, two Irishmen broke into Ladbrokes and lost Â£50..........

corkbarry · Post by **corkbarry** » Wed Aug 10, 2011 5:57 pm

Chunky The Gooner wrote:Bad News

The rioting has spread to Ireland. Paddy has just smashed his
laptop screen, after trying to loot Ebay

You will never drink a Baby Guinness again

mcdowell42 · Post by **mcdowell42** » Wed Aug 10, 2011 6:00 pm

Just seen a chav running off with an arm full of Chicken Tikka Masala.

Think he got confused when his mates said they were robbing Curry's

Chunky The Gooner · Post by **Chunky The Gooner** » Wed Aug 10, 2011 8:28 pm

corkbarry wrote:
Chunky The Gooner wrote:Bad News

The rioting has spread to Ireland. Paddy has just smashed his
laptop screen, after trying to loot Ebay
You will never drink a Baby Guinness again

Im still waiting for my invite back!

selsdon · Post by **selsdon** » Thu Aug 11, 2011 9:30 am

I looked out at the destruction, the smashed windows, cars upside down, people fleeing in terror, turned to the wife and said: 'fuck sake I'll park the car next time'

BRAZILLIANT 19 · Post by **BRAZILLIANT 19** » Thu Aug 11, 2011 12:42 pm

My mate DB10 was among the rioters who ransacked Argos last night.....

He's got 500 catalogues if you want one

BRAZILLIANT 19 · Post by **BRAZILLIANT 19** » Thu Aug 11, 2011 12:55 pm

I have a new pick-up line that works every time,it doesn't matter how gorgeous the lady is i always end up in bed with her. Here's what to say.

" Excuse me love,could i ask your opinion please. Does this damp cloth smell like Chloroform to you?"