Tale of the Irish Sausage Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro. Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.' He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage. Shamus said 'Are yo...

An elderly Scotsman lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite biscuits wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom...

Mohammad the Afghan came to Manchester from the Middle East, and he Was only here a few months when he became very ill. He went to doctor after doctor, but none of them could help him. Finally, he went to an Afghan doctor who said, 'Take dees bocket, go into de odder room, shit in de bocket, Piss on...

A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, 'Wife, we're going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog.' The wife grimaces, 'But I don't like fishing!' 'Look! We're going fishing and that's final.' 'Do I have to go fishing with you... I really don't want to go!' 'Right I'll give...

The doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove th...

Morris and his wife Ester went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Ester, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. 'Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars' One year Esther and Morris went to the fai...

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance" says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was ...

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. 'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds. When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nea...

A young lady in the maternity ward, just prior to labor, is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth. "I'm afraid I don't have a husband," she replies. "O.K. do you have a boyfriend?", asks the Midwife. "No, no boyfriend either." "Do you have a partner then?" "No...

An Irishman walking through a field sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hand. The Irishman shouts "Na ol an t-uisce, ta sé lan de chac bo" (Don't drink the water, it's full of cowsh!t.) The man shouts back "I'm English, speak English, I don't understand you". The Irishman shouts back "Us...

A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St. Peter.St. Peter asks the first girl, "Jessica, have you ever had any contact with a penis?" She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with ...

Lager that taste like piss

I haven't bothered reading this thread for fear of what he said. Seeing the thread title was sufficient for me to add my bit so here goes. THAT RETARDED FUCKING HALFWIT IS A SCAB ON THE CRUTCH OF HUMANITY. HE IS NOT FIT TO LICK THE PISS FROM A DEAD WINO'S SHIT STAINED TROUSERS. HE KNOWS FUCK ALL AB...

barnfield88 wrote:

Postman wrote:How many of those named would get in Chelsea or Uniteds midfield?

WE ARE NOT CHELSEA OR MAN UNITED THOUGH.....

But isn't that who we are meant to be competing with

How many of those named would get in Chelsea or Uniteds midfield?